New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
