My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
