her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize