I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it because I queefed?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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