I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
