Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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