We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I supernannyed him into submission
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
