there's paper in my vomit.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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