why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
