i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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