Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
