Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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