I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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