I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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