none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
