Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
