we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
