i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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