Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
