I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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