It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
