i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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