The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
