but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Drake has all the answers
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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