If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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