Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
