When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
