that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
