I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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