just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So vagazzling was a success
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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