He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
