If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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