My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That's how pantless uber rides happen
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
