i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My feet surprised me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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