I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
