Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
