I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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