you guys were way drunker than both of me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
