Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
