i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
