I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
