I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
