just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
