Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
