remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize