he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
