if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
