A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize