she woke up with a sticky ear
he wants to bone in the snuggie
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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