Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
