she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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