Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
