Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize