I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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