took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize