I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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