are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
