Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
