i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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