Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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