and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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