I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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