Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
