I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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