Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
