I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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