my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
PANTIES FOUND
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