i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
