Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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