I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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