WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
