Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
drinking out of a sandbucket again
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I smell like Dick and happiness
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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