for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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