I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
