Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
