I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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