he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
