New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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