this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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