Please, let me fuck your mom
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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