worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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