we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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