There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
