You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
