i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
