Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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