Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
