youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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