There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
