Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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