She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize