Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
