The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They have beer where we have blood.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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