I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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