I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
