I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
