im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
