I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
